Showing posts tagged dating
Ads facebook thought were relevant for me….*sigh*

Ads facebook thought were relevant for me….*sigh*

Previous Exhibits: This animal doesn’t have a name yet (Google images couldn’t find a “Big moronic animal” for me) but this is basically what we looked like when we were out together(I’m 5’4” he was practically 9’5”. Police would issue amber alerts). We went on 3 great dates & then we both became kind of busy.
 He randomly hit me up at 1 am & said he wanted to see me the next day. He said to be ready by noon & he would pick me up & how he missed me blah blah blah and how he wouldn’t take no for an answer
 ….I’m ready at 11:30 am…no text or call….12:30 comes around and I see on facebook he has a status that says, “Does anybody want to hang out?” (U can’t make this kind of shit up)…..I text him “?” and he’s like “my bad, I fell asleep”…I called him out on his bs and asked what was the whole fucking point of waking me up and making plans? He had no clear answer.
 He tried to hit me up again a few weeks  later and was FLABBERGASTED as to why I wouldn’t want to hangout with him. I was like “Not only did you stand me up but you blatantly tried to make other plans and then lied to me like I couldn’t see it”.  His genius response: “Quit bringing up old shit”…(Y did I initially put up with him? On our 1st date we went out to eat 3 times in 1 day! That’s a personal record. Also he was kind of nice I think)

Previous Exhibits: This animal doesn’t have a name yet (Google images couldn’t find a “Big moronic animal” for me) but this is basically what we looked like when we were out together(I’m 5’4” he was practically 9’5”. Police would issue amber alerts). We went on 3 great dates & then we both became kind of busy.

He randomly hit me up at 1 am & said he wanted to see me the next day. He said to be ready by noon & he would pick me up & how he missed me blah blah blah and how he wouldn’t take no for an answer

….I’m ready at 11:30 am…no text or call….12:30 comes around and I see on facebook he has a status that says, “Does anybody want to hang out?” (U can’t make this kind of shit up)…..I text him “?” and he’s like “my bad, I fell asleep”…I called him out on his bs and asked what was the whole fucking point of waking me up and making plans? He had no clear answer.

He tried to hit me up again a few weeks  later and was FLABBERGASTED as to why I wouldn’t want to hangout with him. I was like “Not only did you stand me up but you blatantly tried to make other plans and then lied to me like I couldn’t see it”.  His genius response: “Quit bringing up old shit”…(Y did I initially put up with him? On our 1st date we went out to eat 3 times in 1 day! That’s a personal record. Also he was kind of nice I think)

Not all ballers can be scholars...

  • Me: Close to Ikea.
  • Him: The one on Ikea boulevard?
  • (This guy took me on an amazing date so I decided to let this slide)
You’re really nice, reliable, considerate, and not my typeVia someecards

You’re really nice, reliable, considerate, and not my type

Via someecards

Cheetah- Nicknamed because of all his tattoos. He plays ball overseas and that had me intrigued for about 2 minutes before I realized he was still just as uncultured as guys I’ve known who have never even left the state. He likes to catch an attitude with me when I’m too busy to hang out. I call him a bum to rile him up. Welcome to my love life. 

Cheetah- Nicknamed because of all his tattoos. He plays ball overseas and that had me intrigued for about 2 minutes before I realized he was still just as uncultured as guys I’ve known who have never even left the state. He likes to catch an attitude with me when I’m too busy to hang out. I call him a bum to rile him up. Welcome to my love life. 


Dolphin- This guy gets the name Dolphin because just like a dolphin he is INCREDIBLY OVERRATED! Verrrrrrrrry sexy….but the tiniest penne I’ve ever seen. This doesn’t stop him from acting like he is God’s gift to women everywhere. But if I want to laugh at something I usually just turn to the funnies in the newspaper. Yea I said it. 

Dolphin- This guy gets the name Dolphin because just like a dolphin he is INCREDIBLY OVERRATED! Verrrrrrrrry sexy….but the tiniest penne I’ve ever seen. This doesn’t stop him from acting like he is God’s gift to women everywhere. But if I want to laugh at something I usually just turn to the funnies in the newspaper. Yea I said it. 


Cub- This exhibit gets his name because he is adorable but a total puss (I hesitate using this word because I’m a feminist but it’s just so fitting for this guy) . I really liked him despite this. What am I saying? I still like him. But he is one of those guys that is so passive you just want to tap him on the shoulder until he snaps. U know?…U don’t know? Never mind…

Cub- This exhibit gets his name because he is adorable but a total puss (I hesitate using this word because I’m a feminist but it’s just so fitting for this guy) . I really liked him despite this. What am I saying? I still like him. But he is one of those guys that is so passive you just want to tap him on the shoulder until he snaps. U know?…U don’t know? Never mind…

YES! This actually happened!

  • Waitress: Would you like a box?
  • Me: Yes, please.
  • Past Exhibit/ Date: Do you mind if I give your leftovers to my sister?
  • Me: ...Um...ok....
Rejected Exhibits: Shark

This guy is nowhere near as a cool as an actual shark. However he wears suits to the club like he’s some kind of a loan shark. Plus I don’t trust him and if he was in the pool/water/beach I would get out. That’s where the shark similarities end. Met him on the patio of a club uptown. I only talked to him because my friend was interested in his friend. I could go on and on about all the lies he told me during our 5 minute conversation but that’s another day. He added me on facebook. A few minutes later what turned out to be his BABY MAMA requested me. I decided my manners ended there and defriended both. 2 weeks later he sees me dancing at a club. He tells my friend how I rejected him and says, “She ain’t even that bad anyway”. My friend replies, “Yea she is.” Shark puts his head down in shame and agrees, “I know”.  You guys might see Shark uptown sometime. You’ll know it’s him because you won’t be able to decide if he looks like he’s about to take a family portrait or sell watches by the lightrail. 

Rejected Exhibits: Shark

This guy is nowhere near as a cool as an actual shark. However he wears suits to the club like he’s some kind of a loan shark. Plus I don’t trust him and if he was in the pool/water/beach I would get out. That’s where the shark similarities end. Met him on the patio of a club uptown. I only talked to him because my friend was interested in his friend. I could go on and on about all the lies he told me during our 5 minute conversation but that’s another day. He added me on facebook. A few minutes later what turned out to be his BABY MAMA requested me. I decided my manners ended there and defriended both. 2 weeks later he sees me dancing at a club. He tells my friend how I rejected him and says, “She ain’t even that bad anyway”. My friend replies, “Yea she is.” Shark puts his head down in shame and agrees, “I know”.  You guys might see Shark uptown sometime. You’ll know it’s him because you won’t be able to decide if he looks like he’s about to take a family portrait or sell watches by the lightrail. 

Corrinne: At least you have an active love life, haha.
Me: there is no love to it haha. i mainly date for the food haha
(Reblogged from assimpleasdust)

Past Exhibits:

It’s 9 am. We wake up. He remarks we woke up pretty early. I mention I’m sleepy and we chitchat a bit. Then I realize he is on the phone….with his mother….asking if she wants to get breakfast. I was paralyzed with bewilderment for 2 minutes. Still can’t wrap my head around that one. 

Peacock- Mr.Flashy Mr.Bragger Mr.Big fancy car. Constantly denies he has a gf even tho once I called him back and she answered. He “explained” that was his “ex trippin” and asked, “So what’s up with me and you?” I constantly tell him I’m not interested he says I’m “too shady anyway”. Every time I see him he dresses even more obnoxious. Random fact: I’ve almost thrown a dvd case at his head. 

Peacock- Mr.Flashy Mr.Bragger Mr.Big fancy car. Constantly denies he has a gf even tho once I called him back and she answered. He “explained” that was his “ex trippin” and asked, “So what’s up with me and you?” I constantly tell him I’m not interested he says I’m “too shady anyway”. Every time I see him he dresses even more obnoxious. Random fact: I’ve almost thrown a dvd case at his head. 

Giraffe- He gets this nickname because he is the tallest one yet (YESS!) and just like a giraffe he doesn’t cause me any fucking problems…yet….we’ll see what happens.

Giraffe- He gets this nickname because he is the tallest one yet (YESS!) and just like a giraffe he doesn’t cause me any fucking problems…yet….we’ll see what happens.